I have decided to add my post to Blog Critics to my personal site as well, in an effort to maximize its reach. Okay, so I'm re-posting, but some of you don't visit my other column, so I'm really doing this for you...aren't I special? No, I know I'm not. :-( :::::: (those dots are tears..). Here it is, comment away.
I am departing from my normal Evil Office Politics rant today in order to bring you the details of the sad saga that is my relationship with the world leader in internet browsers. Yes, you guessed by the title, I'm talking about the juggernaut known as Google.
For those of you who have had dealings with this company, my story will be nothing new. For those of you lucky enough to have not had to deal with them, of which I'm sure there are few, this story will be of interest.
This story is, by no means, outlandish, incendiary, or all that important, but, in my eyes, is a sign of the times with this once great billion dollar company. So, call it a cautionary tale, if you will. Or, better yet, call it the insignificant tale of a small boy versus a large company (no, not David and Goliath, because in that tale, David actually won). You can even go so far as to call it crap, and I'm sure some of you will, I don't care. Just remember, Microsoft also had loyal fans at one time. What does that mean? All I am saying is get your head out of your ass, and take a good look at the next Microsoft.
Before I go on, I just want to say that these events are true. From my understanding, I cannot be charged with libel unless I make false, malicious statements. So I would like to take this time to state that the following comments constitute my opinion, and are made in truth as best I remember. Let's hope I'm right about this.
Alright then, what is this situation that I speak of? Well, it started out when I decided to use the Adwords program to help promote my blog. It seemed to be the best service out there at the time. I did my research, read all the supplied material from the Google website, then went online and researched some more. I wanted to make sure I knew what I was getting into. And, after much deliberation, I signed up for the program. Here's where it gets funny.
Because I live outside of the US (I'm in Canada), I had the payment options of credit card (which I won't use online), or bank transfer. I chose bank transfer. So, off went the hundred dollars they requested in order to activate the account. Fast forward two days.
The fifty words I had chosen, and for the most part paid thirteen cents each for, were now all inactive. The majority of my Adwords were now sixty five cents and some of the key words, directly related to my site, had skyrocketed to over a dollar twenty five a click! I was shocked. There was no way I could afford this. Out of confusion, I contacted Google by phone. And, after much back and forth, I was left as confused as before I had called. The CSR was of no help in deciphering the science that is Adwords. I decided, at this point, to suspend the account. I was not paying what they asked. To be more precise, I couldn't pay what they asked even if I wanted to.
After much debate, with friends and those inclined to the black arts of internet knowledge, I decided it was time for me to get my money back and try another avenue. Simple right? Just go to the online form and request my money back, which after deductions, was now ninety dollars. Simple? No f'n way.
First, my password, the only password I ever had, was not accepted. I was given an error code every time I entered it. Then I tried to email Google to explain my problem. Three days later, I received an email back saying that everything was fine and I could again request my refund. Ah, no. The same error message appeared. I again emailed, and two days later, the same agent said that there was a "technical" problem and she would have to get back to me.
A week later, I receive a cryptic email stating that "technical support" is working on my issue, and an answer should be forthcoming.
Three more days pass and nothing.
I again email, and this time I'm a little more emphatic about my request. Another two days pass before a response. This time I talked with another agent. She told me that "because of the nature of my payment (i.e. bank transfer), there would be a problem". The reason for this trouble lay in the recent "change over" in equipment, but I was assured the problem was temporary and my money would be returned shortly. Okay, sure, I bought into this, even though the idea of a giant internet company not being able to conduct an online bank transfer was a little funny to me, personally.
Another week passed with nothing, not even an update email. So, as you may have guessed, I emailed back to see what the hell was up with my ninety bucks. Two more days pass before a response. This time, I am told that she, the CSR, would take all my information and have the transfer processed internally. Okay, I filled out her request form and submitted it. Then, as you may have guessed, nothing happened. No email, no information, and most importantly, no refund.
Entering week five, I was very pissed. I wanted my ninety dollars, and I wanted it now. I thought, at this time, how I was starting to sound like the newspaper kid in that movie "Better off Dead", you know, the "I want my two dollars" kid? He rocked. I wish I knew that kid because I guarantee he would've had my money back to me by now. Anyway, I had the notion that it was time to start with the phone calls. So I did. I called Google, long distance, asked for Adwords, and spoke with another CSR.
To no surprise, she told me that the problem was technical, and that everyone was working on fixing this issue. She also told me how thankful they were that I was being so understanding, and patient. This pissed me off even more. I didn't need her pity, I needed my damn money. "Shit," I said. "Why is it so damn difficult to give me my money?" She didn't know, but assured me that my money would be given back as soon as the problem was fixed. What problem? Well, the "technical" problem, of course. And what was that? She couldn't tell me. Steam billowed from my ears, I began to yell. "You're an internet giant, and you're telling me you can't transfer money from one account to another?" She said nothing. I hung up.
Two more calls were placed, one two days later, the other was placed a day after the last. I spoke to several people, all CSR's, even though I asked to speak with someone who had a higher position in the company. Everyone one understood my problem, and to their benefit, were very nice to me, but all of them said nothing could be done until the difficulties were sorted out. It was at this point I turned into something that resembled a smaller, redder, angrier version of the Hulk. I almost blew a nut. The transformation seemed to work, though. I was transferred to someone in accounting. Now we are getting somewhere, I thought. I thought wrong. This new person told me that he would "personally" put through my transfer, and I would receive it on the sixth. He even promised me, after I made him that is.
The sixth came and went. Another six days pass.
So where is all of this going? I don't know.
I am now entering the sixth week of this affair still with no resolution. I have gone through all the stages of emotions, from the heights of anger to lows of acceptance. If I lived in the same state, I would have gladly brought them to small claims court, and demanded money for the suffering they put me through. But, I cannot do this from my icy retreat in Canada.
My last phone call was just before sitting to jot all of this down. This time I spoke to someone I believe was named "Renny". She understood my problem, and stated that I would be contacted by a manager within two hours, and this person would be able to get me my money back. I don't believe her, call it a gut feeling.
It is now 2:15 p.m. I called at 12:30 p.m. The clock is ticking, and my blood is slowly rising from a simmer. I am ready to go and stick my head in the snow bank outside my door.
This is not over...yet. Actually, I'm looking into making t-shirts that state the title of this post ( I got Googled and my ass hurts). I bet that would draw the attention I need. Screw it, I'm making one for myself anyway.
Tick, tick, tick.
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